Tuesday, August 15, 2023
The small mountain town of Buckshot, Texas recently enacted a “Mandatory Gun Ownership” law in response to the more than 400 mass shootings in the state since January 2023. Ordinance GSR453822 passed by the city council in an overwhelming majority vote yesterday.
Andy “Brew” Drees, the mayor of Buckshot, hailed the landmark ordinance as being the most successful measure yet to discourage gun violence. Basically, this law requires everyone over the age of 6 to carry some kind of firearm and enough ammunition to “cause some real damage to any of them faggot transvestite immigrants what tries to kill our citizens.” This according to Mayor Drees.
Buckshot, affectionately known as the “Little Switzerland of Texas”, has had its share of mass shootings recently in schools, churches and supermarkets. According to waitress Rosie McDowell who works at the local Denny’s, Little Switzerland earned its moniker because all of the street signs look like swiss cheese from being used for target practice by the locals. “Heck, the only way you can tell it’s a STOP sign is because of its oxagonal [sic] shape” Ms McDowell is quoted as saying.
“So far we’ve only had two…let’s call them ‘incidents’ in the three weeks since the law passed” said Mayor Drees. “One of which was clearly an accident.” Apparently a 7 year old boy tripped over the barrel of his AR-15, which was slung over his shoulder, while he was running to catch the school bus. “Fortunately the stray bullet only struck one of the tires on the bus” according to the investigating officers.
The second “incident” was triggered by a minor disagreement between a 10 year old girl and her teacher over a math test score. The girl allegedly pulled out her Remington XP100 and fired a single shot at the teacher. Although the bullet missed its mark, the young girl was sent to the hospital for treatment of a broken wrist caused by the gun’s recoil.
The girl was later reprimanded by her principal for her poor aim and has been ordered to attend 20 hours of remedial target practice.
For now, Ordinance GSR453822 is being carefully watched by Texas state legislators, but all signs indicate this will be a wildly popular and effective law.
If this local ordinance gains popularity in Texas, other red states in the union, most notably Idaho, Wyoming and Alabama, are expected to consider similar legislation.